By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
