It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
