never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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