I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
