So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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