After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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