Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just crazy horny about you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
