My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
