Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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