this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
