McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
