how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
