Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
