Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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