Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
