y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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