I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
