WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michael Bay diarrhea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
