Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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