He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
