you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
