Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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