You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
