I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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