Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
