He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
