Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
