$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
