Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
