Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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