So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
