omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was like getting head from an anaconda
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
