I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
