I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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