Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
