I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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