I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
