He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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