He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
