I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His hands were made for my vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
