He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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