it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love having hate sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
