moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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