Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
