He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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