Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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