So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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