and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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