I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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