Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
