Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize