If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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