Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
