Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
