barbara walters just said penis...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
