I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I understand Curling. That high.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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