so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
