he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
