Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
