alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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