she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
