Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
