I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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