Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
