i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
