yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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