when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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