It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
