By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
