We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
