Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
