You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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