can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
