why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize